plunging into a new year.

there’s one more day left in 2011. admittedly for me, it’s been
a year of sharp peaks and valleys. if you’ve read this blog on
a regular basis, every so often you get a glimpse of that journey.

i can say without hesitation that i don’t do resolutions. i’ve
always felt that if one cultivates their personality enough where
they’re resolute about most things they want out of life and themselves,
then you don’t need the knee-jerk seasonal habit. i do take this
time to honestly reflect on the past year and regroup to hit the
ground running once the new year begins. last year, that was a bit
tough due to my Grandma Alexander leaving this world for the next
right before Christmas. and i’ve been more susceptible to the
post-holiday blues this year. however, i’m writing this in a serene
but upbeat mood. so…

what i’ve managed to learn this year as far as writing goes is how
to effectively craft a routine that allows me to dig in on the words
but not feel burnt out. National Novel Writers’ Month DEFINITELY kept
me honest and motivated in that regard. another thing i’ve learned in
regards to my own writing is that now, more than ever, some stories i
have kept under wraps can now begin to be told.

personally, i’ve allowed myself the freedom to speak on what bothers
me more. and to not have any expectations of immediate understanding
once i do. thankfully, i’m surrounded by folks who do. i’ve managed
to scrape away that mental residue that forms when dealing with people
that like to make things more complicated than they are. and i’ve learned
to not only let people go, but i’ve learned that even if they come back,
to hold onto the fact that they may leave again because one of the few
things certain is change.

i hope 2012 is definitely worth the huge plunge i will take starting
January 1st. and if not, at least i’ll look damn good living. to all
of you reading this, may your new year be full of dreams realized and
worlds you’ve stored in your hearts sprung true before your eyes. thanks
for reading, and have a safe and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

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proud against the storm

have you ever noticed a small bird caught up in a storm?

it seems as if it is suffering against the brute force of
the wind, that it can’t take the incessant pounding of the
rain beating upon its feathers. you start feeling a twinge
of sadness for it. you start to think that it’ll get swept
away in the midst of the storm and will never grow up and
soar.

and what is that bird thinking?

‘when the time is right, i will fly proud.’

dark moon settling

there are not
enough curse words in the known world
that i could engrave on your soul
with the persistence of Mongol arrows
think of this
as the satisfactory breath
after ten ‘f–k you’s
said in the length of time it takes
to say ‘Mississippi’
clearly
i want to outrun
the Elvin Jones drum solo
that is entering its second set within my ears
and i’m fresh out of tears
but overstocked on bitter words
in lieu of bullets
don’t ask me for sunshine
when you see the dark moon settling in
if you appreciated the light more often
you would be able
to see past the shroud

scene from a movie for insomniacs

this is the part
where fog makes a home before my eyes
and rain lives after a fall
through windows made
from broken beer bottles
and splintered hopes
i sit with a blanket of sorrow
and damn if it didn’t grow to fit me
from the last time life threw it on my shoulders
(maybe i should call it
a keep-me-down instead of hand-me-downs)
this is not
the stereotypical poetic malaise
birthed by heartbreak
and weaned on mournful guitars and stale wine
my head doesn’t feel fine
and time dances slow for others on the shore
out here
on the waters of sadness
you learn that grey is a state of mind
instead of color
the day lives only to pity you
and the night
howls as it wields whips made from your nightmares
then you wonder
what it is like
the moment after
you drown

kisses from a snowflake

*for brownin’

there’s always a chill
that drops into view
between the times you and i share
it fills the air
like snowflakes that love the earth so much
but are hesitant
believing their love won’t stand out
amid a blank sky and silence
sometimes
i think you and i
drift like they do
with hopes and dreams
collected in crystal and fragile
repaired too many times to bear breaking again
but feeling the kisses
a snowflake can bestow upon the skin
melts fear and gives life
and this is the truth
your presence gives from within

december drizzle(for Sagal)

today’s rain
framed all of those pictures in my mind
i thought were set to flames
it fed my heart wine
mulled over with nutmeg and yesterdays
spent with fingers atop your hips
today
the rain spoke softly
taking a breather to let me aerate
words i should have said
from aortic chambers that needed the space
the chill matches my mood
and each step sends these thoughts of you
into open soil
maybe they’ll grow up to be sunflowers
painted with your laughter
and nurtured with none of your sighs
today’s rain tells me again how time flies.