self-quarantine diary #3: you got a right to not be okay.

this is the part where this can’t be reiterated enough – this entire situation with the coronavirus pandemic is absolutely, and totally fucked up. in all aspects.

and there is nothing wrong with saying that, writing that, expressing that in any fashion. because this is nothing that you can be or should be comfortable with. there’s currently 52,672 positive cases of those who are afflicted with COVID-19 in the United States alone, with 600 deaths at the time of my writing this post. and despite what a certain someone currently occupying the White House is saying, there’s no way this is going to subside by Easter. if you’re in one of the hot spots like I am in New York City, you are at home (if you’re able to). and your governor and mayor and other city officials have effectively locked down your city save for essential businesses. you’re in the second week of a quarantine with varying reports that it could be lifted as early as July and as late as November. the news reports are unceasing at times, with their statistics and the warnings of what could happen in terms of people getting sick and dying. you might be worried about your family, especially your children if you have any. you might be worried about your elders, who are at high risk and at the moment being talked about by some of these craven politicians as if they’re supposed to take that long trip like in Soylent Green or just sacrifice themselves like the followers of People’s Temple and Jim Jones forty years ago. you might be scared because you’re alone. or scared because you’re in quarantine with someone who you are terrified of because they abuse you and you can’t leave.

things aren’t okay. and it is okay to feel like the world is caving in. do me a
solid if you’ve read up to this point. i want you to take a moment. think about everything that’s been weighing on you these past few days and weeks.

now. let it out however you need to. yell. cry. wail. hit a pillow, curl up in a
fetal position, pace. this is a safe space to do it. once you’re done, you can
read on.

okay. feel better? good. and if you don’t feel all the way better, that’s fine too. there’s going to be good days and bad days and we’ve got a looooong
road ahead to get to the other side of these times under a pandemic. now, i’ll share this with you – i had a period of time this afternoon where everything weighed in on me because of a truly heavy moment. i felt the emotions well up and i let it go. then i went to my backyard, and watched the evening sun begin to sink. i felt the warmth on my skin, and it was a reminder that even in the middle of things being turbulent and downright scary, there are constants we have to hold onto in order to make it through. i’m not a therapist. i’m not a prognosticator. i can’t tell you when this current situation will end. all i am doing, all any of us are doing – is preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. that’s what has to be our modus operandi, and the basis for our desire if we choose to, to do more. to reach out more. to give more. to listen more. to heal more. to love more. but none of those things are possible unless we let ourselves in to the realities before us. that Churchill quote about if you’re fighting through hell, keep going?

you have a right to not be okay during this time. don’t let others tell you otherwise. but the next part to that is, it is imperative to not stay in that “not okay” space. because then you find it harder to claw your way out. and if you’re reading this and you’re in that space, be real about it. and reach out.
easier said than done i know. as a mass of humanity, we are faced with a challenge that hasn’t been seen on this planet in a century. it feels like the entire world is shifting. even if it might be a shift decades in the making. you have to feel every emotion there is in order to understand that, even the bad ones. because we’re all not going to make it through. but those who will, need to know that they’ve got a right to feel and express every emotion they have including fear. that’s how you learn there are more safe harbors in the hearts of people than you’d realize.

i hope these words helped you out…until the next time, walk good.

If you need professional counseling during these times –

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