so we’re at that point where you find out certain things. about who’s supposed to be your duly elected officials, companies, other political leaders, your friends and relatives. and yourself. in a time where you are probably undergoing extended self-isolation because of COVID-19 to the point where the days are blending together, these epiphanies have their way of showing up. and in some cases, showing their entire ass. you might find out something that you need to know or reaffirm or let go, and the truth of the matter is – you might not like what you find.
the reaction to these moments will differ depending on where you are at right now within your spirit. not everyone is going to meet these moments with some grace, especially when there’s a life-threatening viral outbreak running rampant out there. these moments vary – you might come to realize that the company you work for won’t even consider extending you working from home. or that they’re laying you off, sometimes via voicemail. you might discover that there’s some fraying of your family ties that you hadn’t noticed or put off until a time where you can confront it. you might feel some dissatisfaction at where you are in your own life. you might be totally pissed off seeing photos and video of people not taking the quarantine precautions you’re taking. you might find yourself replaying old conflicts and beefs in your mind. or reliving past moments you shortchanged yourself. you might even find yourself being irritated by those you love and question why they’re acting a certain way. crisis brings all of these turbulent emotions up and puts them in a blender along with your mood.
these moments might make you lash out, or add to your melancholy. it can be more intense whether you’re alone or with others during this time, fueled by uncertainty. and i am not going to sit here and act like you can just get through it, ’cause that would be a load of elephant turds. what you feel is going to hurt, and leave some residue. all of that surrounds the truth that can be found in that moment. it’s like getting one of those massive tacos and you’ve got so many layers until you get to the meat (or veggie protein for you vegetarians & vegans) of it. for me, this past week i had to deal with the recurrence of imposter syndrome which i hadn’t felt in quite some time which was spurred by a rejection of a pitch to an editor. being in that zone again and recognizing it early meant i had to steel myself for the wave of confusion and doubt that welled up. i had to talk myself through what was happening, openly. then i had to go back and look at my past work, and finally shake it off by affirming my worth. there’s people i know who are struggling and they display it through some harmful practices like excessive drinking and ego projection by spreading misinformation and being highly aggressive and defensive when confronted.
i say all this to say…you might take this time to dig deeper into who you are and who others are to try to be better on the other side of this viral outbreak and quarantine. if you are, there is a chance that you might wind up confronting certain things you might not be too keen on dealing with. self-examination and reflection isn’t always the Instagram-friendly zone some believe it is. it is work, sometimes rigorous work but positive. if you are reading this and you’re at that stage right now, be honest but be gentle with yourselves and others. and remember, these are difficult times for everyone. we all got our own dragons to slay.
i hope these words were of some help…until the next time, walk good.